Unrequited love is probably one of the hardest situations ever. The truth is some people are just commitment-phobes or emotionally unavailable for a relationship, it does not necessarily mean that they have intentionally set out to hurt you.

But, intentionally or not, nobody deserves to be at the receiving end of such a relationship.

We all deserve to be with people who are ready and willing to love and commit to us like we are to them.

So how do you identify an emotionally unavailable partner to protect yourself from such an unhealthy relationship?




  1. They Are Unavailable

An emotionally unavailable partner is, literally, unavailable. Life can get the best of us sometimes and keep us busy. However, we all give priority to what we consider important.

If you have a partner who is ghosting you, who you cannot say, with certainty, will contact you, reply to you or reach out to you, you might be in a relationship with someone who is not ready to commit.

Couples should be involved in each other’s lives and be considerate enough to carry their partner along. It is not normal to be ghosted in a relationship.


  1. They Invalidate Your Feelings

One thing this set of people is great at is making it seem like you are crazy for showing emotions or expressing your feelings.

They will accuse you of being too intense, too dramatic, too needy or too sensitive. In fact, the emotional abuse is so intense you might begin to believe you are the problem.

If you are sure you are not insecure and it is clear that your feelings are constantly invalidated, you are probably dealing with an emotionally unavailable person.


  1. They Flee From Emotional Intimacy

Another thing that stands out is how they flee from any form of emotional intimacy. They might always be down for physical intimacy but they are never ready for emotional intimacy.

They are not interested in discussing conflicts, having deep conversations about your relationship or each other.

You cannot really say that you know them and vice versa because they always evade such discussions.

A person who loves you and wants to be in your life will want to have a meaningful connection with you.


how to identify an emotionally available partner


  1. They Have A History

We should, absolutely, not judge people based on their past; it is possible for people to change and we should always encourage and applaud the change.

However, when someone’s past matches their present character, believe them. If your partner has never had a long term relationship or any serious relationship and they are still acting inconsistent with you, that likely is who they are.


  1. They Are Defensive

People who are unemotionally distant are usually out of touch with their emotions and because of that, they find it hard to communicate their feelings.

Therefore, when issues are raised, they usually go on the defensive and blame everybody else, but themselves, for everything.

They are never ready to acknowledge and confront their part in a conflict and they will likely make it all about you.


  1. You Do All The Work

A relationship is a partnership; both partners have to put in the work for a relationship to work.

They should both be giving and taking or one person will become drained from giving and getting nothing back.

However, if you are in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, you are likely to do all the work into holding the relationship together.


  1. You Know In Your Guts

Our instincts are very powerful and the truth is that we always know when something is right for us or not.

The problem is that we are usually too afraid to confront what we know in our guts. If you can feel it in your guts that your partner is not emotionally available, don’t ignore it, investigate why your instinct is giving you the red flag signals.