Let me start by saying I don’t like the question, “What do you bring to the table”, as much as the next girl.
However, I keep wondering what if there’s more to the question than meets the eye?
What if it’s not always meant to insult a woman’s intelligence, but more out of curiosity?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people shouldn’t unlearn and relearn.
But that doesn’t mean people always mean things with bad intentions.
So, as someone who is very big on examining motives, I thought to take a look at the question to properly see what it could mean for men asking women what they bring to the table.
Why Do Men Ask ‘What Do You Bring to the Table’?
1. He is genuinely seeking compatibility
Like I said, I don’t like the question as much as the next woman, but I don’t think every man who asks it has the same intentions.
Also, as I mentioned earlier, one thing I have come to know is that sometimes it’s not about the action, but the intention.
So, while you might not like the question, I don’t think it will be nice to push a good man away just because he asked a question that, although you find offensive, he didn’t ask to offend you.
Because sometimes, a man asks this question because he’s trying to understand if you both want the same things.
Men are allowed to have a list of the kind of woman they want, just like women have theirs.
And sometimes, they may ask this question to know if you are what they are looking for.
He might want to know if your values or long-term goals align.
So, in this case, the question isn’t meant to offend; it’s his way of figuring out if your lifestyles and intentions match, and you are the one he is looking for.
Also Read: 15 Thoughtful Acts Guys Do Only When They Are In Love
2. He is just making conversation
Really, some people get awkward when it comes to making conversation, and they may say things to get out of that awkwardness.
So, believe it or not, some men throw this question in casually just for small talk.
It’s really not that deep for some of them.
Maybe he saw it on social media and thinks it’s a smart question to ask.
So while you might want to go for the jugular when you hear the question, understand that it’s not always that deep.
However, still, how he reacts to your answer will tell you if he’s worth your time or not.
3. He wants to be sure
If you’ve been burned in the past or made a mistake when you read someone wrong, you’d be cautious, too.
Maybe you wouldn’t try to deal with it the next time by asking this question.
But again, we’ve said some people are awkward, and some people ask with an honest intention.
So, it’s possible for this kind of man to ask this question upfront to protect himself.
Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s judging you; it could mean he’s just being cautious and trying to avoid another emotional letdown.
4. He believes he should ask
Thanks to the internet, a lot of men feel like it’s manly or wise to ask this question.
And let’s be honest, while we think people should have their own minds, we can’t deny that influence is a big thing.
If someone you look up to and respect tells you that asking a girl, “What do you bring to the table?” is a good idea, you will probably listen, too.
He may not even fully understand the question himself, but he is asking because he just thinks it’s what he’s supposed to do to seem intentional or “high-value.”
Now, it is completely up to you if you don’t want to be with a guy who is influenced by what he sees on the internet.
I’m just telling you how it is for some guys.
5. He is superficial
Now, let’s get to the juicy part: the guys who are asking because they are superficial.
Some guys are just looking for perks. They want to know whether you are bringing beauty, status, financial gain, or whatever looks good on paper.
So, when they ask what you bring to the table, they’re not thinking about love or connection. They’re checking for the superficial benefits you are bringing to the relationship.
They are checking to see if you will look good on their arms.
These are the kind of guys who other guys’ opinion matters so much to them.
So, asking is not so much about you, but to make sure you fit the aesthetics that their guys will envy them for.
Also Read: 10 Sure Ways to Know a Guy Is Just Stringing You Along
6. It’s a power trip for him
This one’s a red flag.
Some insecure men use this question to establish dominance.
These are men who have nothing going for themselves and so feel an obsessive need to one-up you.
They are scared you are better than them, so they want you to prove yourself while they sit back.
They ask that question to enjoy watching you make a case for yourself.
Yes, these are the men who make that question offensive, and you shouldn’t entertain it.
What to Do When a Man Asks What You Bring to the Table
If you noticed, despite explaining the different things I think men mean when they ask you what you bring to the table, I didn’t try to convince you to like the question.
That’s because I believe your feelings are valid.
I was just trying to let you see that it’s not all sinister.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s look at some of the things to do when a man asks what you bring to the table.
1. Ask him what he means
Since we already established that men don’t always mean it the wrong way, it might be best to ask what he means before jumping to conclusions.
That way, you can get clarity on his intentions. His response to your question will reveal a lot about his mindset.
So listen to him, his verbal and non-verbal cues.
Also Read: How to Communicate Effectively in a Relationship
2. Listen to what he’s not saying
Like I said above, don’t just watch out for what he says, watch out for what he isn’t saying as well.
In fact, if he feels offended by you asking him for clarity, that’s already a red flag.
But beyond that, if he is saying the right thing, but you can feel from his body language that something feels wrong, then you might need to step back a little to properly assess the situation.
3. Watch out for other signs
That question alone isn’t a good way to know if a man is a red flag; so consider other things as well.
Don’t just discard a man because he asked a question you find uncomfortable.
Consider how he treats you and other women before making your decision.
Does he think women are beneath him? Does he treat relationships like transactions? Does he expect you to prove yourself while offering the bare minimum?
Those are better ways to know if his intentions are right or not.
You want a genuine man who is looking for a real connection, not one that makes you feel like you’re applying for a position in his life.
4. Express Your Discomfort with the Question
If the question rubs you the wrong way, say so gracefully but firmly.
You can respond with, “That question feels a bit transactional to me. I prefer to focus on what we both bring into a healthy and mutual relationship.”
That way, you can set a boundary without creating unnecessary conflict.
Then, his reply to the statement will speak volumes.
A man who is genuine will apologise and learn, while the one we don’t want to deal with will get defensive.
Also Read: How to Become a Better Communicator
FAQs
1. How do I answer, “What do I bring to the table in a relationship?”
Start by thinking about your strengths beyond the surface. Do you bring emotional intelligence, support, loyalty, ambition, or a peaceful spirit? Your answer should reflect who you are, not just what you do. And don’t be afraid to flip the question too, because healthy relationships are built on mutual value, not interviews.
2. What is a lady supposed to bring to the table in a relationship?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. What you “bring” depends on your personality, values, and the kind of relationship you desire. Some women bring nurturing energy, others bring vision, support, or stability. The key is to be authentic and to contribute in ways that align with who you are, not what society expects.
3. What does it mean to bring to the table in a relationship?
It means contributing something of value to the relationship; not just financially, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and practically. It’s about what you offer to help build and sustain a partnership. This could be loyalty, communication skills, emotional maturity, or simply being a safe space for your partner.
4. Why do men ask what you bring to the table?
Some men ask to understand your mindset, while others ask to assert control or measure your worth. It’s important to assess how and why the question is being asked. Is it coming from a genuine desire to build together or a transactional mindset? Either way, it reveals a lot about their expectations.
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