This particular topic is quite sad for me to write about because it hits close to home. I have a close friend who barely survived being in a relationship with a manipulative boyfriend.
I spoke to her recently, and that motivated me to write about the signs your boyfriend is manipulating you.
She is in therapy now and I can see changes, but it was tough watching her unknowingly love a manipulative man, and being with her through her realisation and now, her healing process.
Due to the experience with my friend, I learnt that many people don’t know when they are in that situation. The manipulating partner does such a good job that knowing you are being manipulated might take a while.
That’s why I wrote this article. Now, if you are asking, “how can I tell if my boyfriend is manipulating me?” keep reading for your answer.
10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Manipulating You
1. He gaslights you
One of the major signs of a manipulative boyfriend is that he gaslights you.
Gaslighting is the go-to weapon of a manipulative person; that’s the way they get to keep you tied to their strings.
He’ll twist facts, deny things he clearly said, and make you feel like you’re losing your mind.
One minute, you’re certain about something, the next, he convinces you that you’re overreacting or imagining things.
If statements like “I never said that” or “You’re too sensitive” sound familiar, it is a clear sign a guy is manipulating you.
The end is to make you question yourself, making it easier for him to manipulate you. And the more he does it, the more you rely on him for “truth.”
If you are in a situation where you constantly feel confused about your own experiences, you are in a toxic environment, and you need to get out of it.
2. You constantly doubt your reality
Similar to the above, a manipulative guy makes you second-guess everything.
You will start to doubt your memories, emotions, and instincts because he’s trained you to doubt them.
For instance, he could tell you that a joke was “just playful” when it actually hurt, or insist that something obvious “never happened.”
He will keep rewriting your reality because he wants to control you and the narrative. And he succeeds when you doubt your own reality or lose trust in yourself.
A healthy relationship should make you feel more secure in yourself, not less. If you’re always unsure of what’s real, take a step back and ask yourself if you are being manipulated.
Also Read: healthy
3. He never walks the talk
Another sign is when a man never walks the talk. He talks a big talk – makes grand promises – but his actions never match up; they tell a whole different story.
So if you are asking, “how do I know if my boyfriend is manipulating me?”, one way to know is if his actions never match his words.
He’ll tell you how much he loves and respects you, but then treat you in ways that scream the opposite.
He will swear he’ll change when you complain, but never does or even tries to, or he will say he values honesty while constantly deceiving you.
Words mean nothing without action. So, if you find yourself clinging to the hope that things will be different, ask yourself when it has ever changed.
If it never changed before, the chances it will now are low.
A manipulative boyfriend thrives on empty promises because he wants to keep you waiting for the love he’ll never truly give.
4. He is a chronic liar
Manipulation and lies go together. Otherwise, how do they get you to disbelieve the truth and believe theirs?
A manipulative boyfriend will lie about the small things, big things, and things that don’t even matter – lies flow from them easily.
He will lie to twist stories to gain sympathy, to paint himself as the victim, or to cover up things he doesn’t want you to know.
And if you catch him, he’ll flip it on you, making you feel guilty for accusing him.
Even if he wasn’t manipulative, a man who can’t be honest with you doesn’t deserve you.
5. He distances you from your loved ones
This is consistent with manipulative people; they will distance you from your loved ones by making them out to be your enemies.
He may start by subtly criticising them, claiming they don’t support you, or pick fights with you when you spend time with them.
He is doing that to isolate you, so you have no one to turn to but him. This is because the more disconnected you become, the easier it is for him to manipulate you.
If your partner is trying to cut you off from your support system, you don’t need anyone to tell you the person doesn’t love you. When someone loves you, they will not only encourage your healthy relationship, but they will also befriend them.
Also Read: What Love Is Not
6. He smothers you
Smothering may seem romantic at first, but after a while, it shows as what it is – an obsessive need to control or possess you.
Don’t be deceived that someone who does not give you breathing space loves you. Soon enough, you will see how it can be suffocating.
Someone who demands constant check-ins, gets upset when you have personal time, and makes you feel guilty for wanting space is likely manipulating you.
True love is freeing, but his will feel like a trap.
A healthy relationship gives room for individuality. If he makes you feel like you can’t breathe without upsetting him, it’s not love; it’s control masked as affection.
7. He is never wrong, and you are always wrong
One of the signs your partner is manipulating you is if he is always the victim and you, the villain.
In a normal relationship, the blame goes around and everybody is willing to accept responsibility for their wrong.
But with a manipulative person, arguments have a predictable pattern: no matter what, you’re the bad guy and he is the victim.
He will twist situations until you end up always apologising even when he’s the one who hurt you.
If you try to call him out, he’ll get defensive, play the victim, or flat-out refuse to take responsibility.
A good partner owns up to mistakes and works to improve. A manipulative one makes you question whether you’re even allowed to have feelings.
8. He is controlling and possessive
At first, his protectiveness might seem sweet until you see it for what it is – a means to control you.
A manipulative guy will want to know where you are, who you’re with, and why you’re doing anything without him.
He might disguise it as concern, but really, he’s just trying to micromanage your life.
He will dictate what you wear, who you talk to, or how you spend your time until you start adjusting your behaviour to avoid setting him off.
A good way to know you are being manipulated is when you catch yourself losing who you are to please the other. Love would never do that to you.
Also Read: Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Relationship
9. You walk on eggshells around him
That sinking feeling before you say something, wondering how he’ll react, is not normal; it’s manipulation.
I understand wanting to be more tactful so as not to upset your partner because you love them.
But if the reason you constantly filter your words and actions is because you know they will blow hot, your partner has trained you to prioritise his emotions over your own.
If his moods are unpredictable, or he explodes over small things, you are likely dealing with a manipulative man.
You shouldn’t feel the need to always be on your guard in a healthy relationship.
10. You live in constant anxiety
One of the signs a guy is manipulating you worth mentioning is how you are not happy and living in anxiety.
A healthy relationship should bring you peace, not panic. So, if you’re always on edge, don’t know when he’ll switch from sweet to sour, or what minor thing will set him off, you are likely in a relationship with a manipulator.
If a relationship makes you feel more stressed than happy, it’s not love.
It might not be manipulation, but it is definitely not love. Love should be your safe space, not the source of your anxiety.
If he’s the reason your heart races in fear instead of excitement, it’s time to walk away.
How to Leave a Manipulative Relationship
Now that you’ve recognised the signs of a manipulative boyfriend, let’s discuss how to break free and take back control of your life.
1. Honestly Assess the Situation
If you see most of the signs above in your relationship, it is time to get real with yourself and ask yourself some pertinent questions.
Is this relationship bringing you happiness, or are you constantly drained?
If your answer to the first is no and yes to the second, you shouldn’t be in that relationship.
You can also write down patterns of manipulation and how they make you feel. Seeing things in black and white helps silence the “maybe I’m overreacting” thoughts.
Then you must accept that he won’t change, no matter how many promises he makes. Once you see the relationship for what it is, leaving becomes easier.
2. Prepare to Walk Away
Manipulative men don’t take breakups well. So, expect him to guilt trip, love-bomb, or even threaten you to keep you hooked.
This is why you should have a plan rather than leaving when you are not prepared. Of course, this doesn’t mean you cannot leave abruptly; being prepared just makes it easier to stick to your guns.
For instance, if you were relying on him, you need to secure your finances, find a safe place to go, and mentally prepare for his reactions. If not, you may be tempted to go back.
Then, when you are fully prepared, just leave. Resist the urge to explain yourself. You don’t owe him closure; your freedom is more important.
Also Read: 10 Warning Signs You Are Being Love Bombed
3. Rekindle Old Healthy Relationships
Remember that manipulators love isolation, so chances are, he’s pulled you away from friends and family.
Now’s the time to reconnect, so reach out to them.
Expect that it might feel awkward at first, but don’t let that deter you because I can tell you from experience that the people who love you are waiting for you.
They are waiting to help and support you; all you have to do is extend an arm.
Plus, you need your tribe because that support reminds you that you’re not alone, and it makes it harder for him to weasel his way back into your life.
4. Set Boundaries
Like I said earlier, they don’t take no easily, so you must be firm and enforce it.
First of all, do your part by blocking him everywhere and make sure to close every channel to reach you.
However, they are persistent, so he might still be able to contact you. If that happens, don’t give room for any last talk or “let’s be friends” talk.
Make sure the door is firmly closed. Block, delete, and if needed, get legal protection.
5. Seek Professional Help
It is not enough to leave, you also need to heal.
Consider therapy or counseling to help you rebuild self-trust, process emotional wounds, and avoid falling for the same patterns in the future.
If therapy isn’t an option, lean on support groups or self-help resources. But whatever the case, make sure you deliberately go through a healing process.
That way, you can come out stronger.
I am rooting for you!
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