Love bombing initially looks like the best thing to happen to you when you don’t know what it is.
The love-bomber showers you with many declarations of love, affection, attention and gifts. And you may think you have met the love of your life.
Then, when they’ve hooked you, they begin to unravel.
You realise it’s all a lie, and they just simply want to control you.
They become possessive and demanding of your life because they feel you owe them reciprocity for the love they showered on you.
Instead of love, you begin to feel smothered, abused, and manipulated.
The manipulation didn’t start when you begin to feel it; it was the tactic used right from the start.
Love bombing intends to make someone feel safe so as to offer the love bomber control of their lives.
You might be reading this thinking this can never be me; I hope not as well.
But love bombing is subtle; we often enter it without even knowing.
That’s why you need to know the signs of love bombing so you can watch out for them and run for your life.
What Does Being Love Bombed Mean?
To be love bombed is a manipulative tactic employed by narcissists, psychopaths or insecure people to get someone’s undivided love and devotion by showering them with excessive love and attention immediately after meeting them.
Love bombing could happen at any stage of a relationship when a partner feels they are losing control of the relationship, but it’s often at the beginning to lock you in.
They make you feel you are in a loving situation at the initial stage, which is why it can be difficult to discern.
But by reading this post, you will be able to decipher the difference between being in a loving relationship and being love bombed.
Signs You Are Being Love Bombed
1. They Overcommunicate
One way to know you are being love bombed is that love bombers communicate everything too quickly.
Affection
Loving words
Flattery
Devotion
Personal information
Think about it; they overdo everything.
This is not to be mistaken for the initial excitement someone might have once they meet someone they consider a potential life partner after falling for the wrong people.
For a regular lover, that excitement often wanes, and they settle into a normal pace.
But for a love bomber, it’s the normal.
They constantly tell you how much they love you, how you are everything to them, how they cannot live without you and how you are the only one for them.
They tell you you are their soulmate just after meeting you and make you feel you are meant for each other.
They also constantly compliment and flatter you. You will feel like the most beautiful or handsome person on earth with them.
They’d exaggerate your looks and tell you every time how you are better than others, even for things you know you are not good at.
They also overshare. When meeting a love bomber, you’ll know everything about them, including their childhood traumas, fears, aspirations and dreams. And those dreams will include you as though they’ve known you forever.
2. They Require Equal Overcommunication
Since they overshare, they’ll require the same overcommunication.
Usually, when you meet someone, you may share pertinent information that could impact the potential relationship, such as whether you have a child.
However, other things like childhood traumas are not necessary information on the first date.
But a love bomber will not only offer this information, but they’d require it, too.
If they ask and you’re unwilling to provide it, they’d guilt-trip you for not being as interested as they are.
As you progress in the relationship, they may begin to throw tantrums when you don’t offer the same devotion they seem to offer, but they might not on the first date.
Instead, they’d make you feel guilty for not responding the same way they are.
3. They Are Demanding And Possessive
A love bomber doesn’t care if you have work or want to hang out with friends; they are extremely clingy.
It doesn’t matter to them that it’s a job they initially praised and complimented you on; they don’t want anything or anyone to take priority over them in your life.
They want to be around you always; if they can’t, they need to be sure you’re constantly thinking about them.
You’ll often find outbursts of extreme jealousy if you’re with someone of the opposite sex or even some friends that they believe are closer to you than they are.
In the case of the latter, they’ll manipulate you into believing you’re prioritising others over them despite how they’ve given up everybody else for you.
They will text and call regularly, demand to know your whereabouts and urge you to spend most of your time with them.
The problem is that they do the same thing: give you their undivided attention, so they demand the same attention.
They are always available to you and require you to be, too.
4. They Make Unrealistic Commitment Demands
Having your partner plan their future with you in mind is flattering and sweet.
But there’s usually a timeline for this for someone you just met.
In a normal relationship, it’s unrealistic to fully commit to someone you met a few days ago. But they don’t understand the concept of time and pacing.
A love bomber will want significant commitments and require them from you right off the bat.
They may want you to live with them, introduce you to their parents, and demand the same from you right after meeting them.
And they tell you they want that because you are their soulmate, the one they’ve been waiting for.
They may even suggest eloping and starting a life away from others if they notice any resistance from your loved ones.
Additionally, they may accuse and pressure you if you’re not moving at the pace they require.
5. They Shower You With Unwanted Gifts
When you’re just meeting someone, flowers are fine when they pick you up on a date.
But when they start showering you with grand, expensive, unwanted gifts, they’ll likely love-bombing you.
You mention your phone is having issues; you get a new one.
You talk about your rent; they immediately settle it.
Even when you complain about it, they never stop.
They don’t stop because their intent isn’t to make you happy but to win you over and make you feel indebted.
6. They Isolate You
Your family and friends will likely realise when someone is good for you and when they are not.
So, to prevent them from getting you to see the light, they isolate you from them.
Of course, they wouldn’t blatantly tell you not to hang out with your friends again because that might clue you in.
Instead, they’ll make you feel your friends are jealous of you and don’t want the best for you.
It’s worse if your friends are single; they’d convince you your friends want you to be a miserable single as well.
They’d only permit the friend who’s also blind and supports the relationship.
The intent is to ensure that no one ruins their plan, but it also prevents you from having a support system.
That way, even when you want to leave, you’ll likely have no one else but them, making it harder to leave them.
7. They Are Extremely Persistent
When someone loves you healthily, they will respect your boundaries and nos.
One way to tell you are being love bombed is when they don’t respect boundaries. In fact, they logicalise why they shouldn’t respect it.
They never take no for an answer and persist incessantly until you agree.
- They Lash Out When They Don’t Get What They Want
After a while, love-bombers start lashing out vocally or more aggressively if they don’t get what they want.
Like I said earlier, they don’t understand the concept of no. As far as they are concerned, you shouldn’t disagree with them.
So when you do and insist on it, they’ll lash out and gaslight you into thinking it is your fault.
This is why narcissism, gaslighting and love-bombing often go together.
9. You Feel Smothered And Overwhelmed
You should never feel smothered by genuine love. When someone truly loves you, you should feel at ease and relaxed.
But if you feel like the “love” is too much, then something is wrong.
Love bombers do things excessively; therefore, it’s impossible not to feel overwhelmed by their intensity.
10. They Need Constant Validation
They are usually insecure people or controlling people.
So either way, they need constant validation.
The former is too dependent and desperately needs to know how you feel about them, while the latter ensures they have you where they want you.
Therefore, they are likely to keep asking how you feel about them, what you think of them and the relationship.
The compliment is never enough; you must always reassure them of their greatness and that you cannot function without them.
What To Do When You Are Being Love Bombed
From what I’ve been saying, it might seem like I’m telling you that you should leave immediately after you notice you’re being love-bombed.
However, I believe you can do some evaluation before doing that because you don’t want to mistake someone being nice for being love bombed, as there’s sometimes a thin line between someone initially excited to find love and a love bomber.
1. Talk to Them
Some people love bomb at the initial stage of meeting someone because they’ve been looking for love for a while and are excited.
However, whether the intention is pure or not, love bombing is not good because it’s unhealthy. So, you should have a discussion when you notice signs you are being love-bombed.
Talk to them first and see if they take corrections.
If they change and embrace your comfortable pace, they likely are just excited.
But if they try to talk you out of it, lash out and keep up the momentum, you are likely being love bombed.
2. Talk to an Objective Outsider
Speak to someone you are confident can be objective because sometimes, our loved ones can be biased.
Don’t speak to people who are too emotional or relate to your issue emotionally.
Be honest with them and be ready to accept honesty.
3. Run
If your objective outsider sees danger and the person is not changing after your discussion, run.
I’m using run so you can understand the gravity of the situation.
You need to set clear boundaries to keep them away from you.
Don’t befriend a love bomber if you want to leave the situation.
Block them if you have to, and make sure they have no access to you. As already established, love bombers don’t take no for an answer, so you must ensure they get it.
In conclusion, love bombing is not a good situation, intentionally or not. If you notice any signs you’re being love bombed, address it immediately.
If they change, then awesome. If not, you shouldn’t stay in that situation; it’s not good for you.
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