There are so many misconceptions about what love is online today. If you go online to find the definition or indicator of love, you are likely to find people talking about fairy tales or explaining it as depicted in romance novels.

But love is really so much more than that.

What is and is not love?

That’s the question.


1. Love Will Not Distract You

Infatuation or crush might distract you and occupy your mind so much that you constantly find yourself zoning out when you should be doing other important things.

Now, does that mean you won’t think about your beloved?

Absolutely not! That is not what I am saying.

But loving your lover does not distract you, it actually inspires you to do better and be more productive.

Infatuation is very different in this instance in that it can mess with your productivity.


2. It Will Not Set Out to Possess You

When someone has deep feelings for you, it is very normal that they will be jealous if they feel someone else is getting the attention or affection they should be getting from you.

But love is not possessive, it is freeing.

If someone is trying to cage you, keep you to themselves and stop you from having a life outside of them, that is a huge red flag and it should scare you, not flatter you.

They are most likely obsessed. Your lover will encourage you to have a life outside of them.


what love is not


Also Read: Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Relationship


3. Love Is Not Blind to the Flaws of the Beloved

It sounds very sweet to say “love is blind.”

In fact, there was a home video I watched when I was younger that was titled after this belief. I enjoyed the movie but beyond that, the saying made sense to me and I joined them to preach it.

Now, there are two ways to look at it.

If it means that love closes its eyes to flaws and cares regardless of the flaws, then, of course, I agree with the saying.

But usually, when people say, “love is blind”, they mean it doesn’t see fault.

You are probably wondering what the difference is … let me explain.

When you love someone – who is definitely imperfect – you know and accept for a fact that the person is imperfect.

You recognise and can even state their flaws but you have made a conscious decision to tolerate or understand them.

On the other hand, infatuation or “what love is not” doesn’t see the imperfections at all.

When you start thinking someone is perfect, you need to take a step back and be honest with yourself … are you infatuated or not?

Some people are very close to perfect and it is difficult to find imperfections in them … that is not the case I am talking about.

But there are people whose flaws are obvious but you deny or you don’t even see it … that is a serious red flag that it is not love.


Also Read: Signs You Are in a Healthy Relationship


4. It Is Intentional Towards Doing Right by You

There is an aspect of love that is “feelings” but a larger part of it is intentional. It is a decision to be committed; that is why it can be said that love is forever.

If it was simply based on how we feel, it will not last forever because feelings are fickle; one minute you feel something, and the next, you feel something else.

Many people break up their relationship or marriage because they were expecting feelings to sustain them when feelings cannot even sustain itself.

Love is a lot more substantial than feelings. It is much more an act, a decision and a commitment.

When we understand these misconceptions, we will be able to see love for what it is and see what love is not.