When you’re at a certain age, you don’t want to waste your time with people not interested in being with you.
Hence, if a relationship is not going how you expect it to, it’s normal to wonder if the guy is just stringing you along.
Here in lies the dilemma. He may or may not be stringing you along. It could indeed be that he’s taking things slow – slower than you might like – but that’s his style.
And it could mean that you are being strung along.
So, how do you know which is which; this post discusses how.
What Does It Mean to String Someone Along?
To string someone along is to keep someone in your life without any real commitment.
It is to put someone in a vague situation where they are unsure where they stand in your life because although you are getting something from them, you don’t want them for the long term.
Stringing someone along is usually for sex, but it could also be for money or because the person loves the idea of being in love and enjoys the attention. However, you are not the one they really want, so they keep you until they find who they want.
Everybody deserves to know if they’re being strung along so they can find their way out of that situation and wait for the love they deserve.
10 Alarming Signs a Guy Is Just Stringing You Along
1. He Never Keeps His Promises
I made this point first because it is a big deal to me. I firmly believe that people who don’t keep their promises lack integrity.
But that’s just me, you don’t have to agree.
However, for your good, you need to agree that a man who constantly fails to keep his promises is just stringing you along.
This is especially true if he keeps making promises that he never keeps.
Remember that although he doesn’t want you, he wants to keep you around. So, he needs to give you an incentive to stay; hence, the promises.
But since he doesn’t care about you anyway, there’s no motivation to keep it.
Of course, this doesn’t mean people don’t break promises once in a while; we are humans, and perfection eludes us. So, sometimes, people might struggle to keep a promise due to unforeseen circumstances beyond their power.
But nobody who loves you habitually breaks their word to you. They will not only remember they made it; they will move everything to ensure they fulfil it.
2. He Is Not Committed To Making The Relationship Work
When somebody wants to be with you, they’d be committed to making the relationship work. This is because they see the relationship as a life-long commitment in which they must invest.
A man who is stringing you along, however, doesn’t care to commit to the relationship because it doesn’t matter to him if the relationship works or not.
You’ll notice that you make all the plans and all the real effort; he mostly only adds his quota when you ask him to and when it’s convenient.
He never goes out of his way to do anything for you, including see you.
He could also do something when you threaten to leave, but it doesn’t last long. It’s usually to get you to relax, and once you do, it’s back to the status quo.
3. He Is Not Interested In Your Life
We only seek to know people when we feel we have a stake in their lives. Therefore, it is an anomaly for the man who claims to love you not to be interested in your life.
Typically, he’d want to know everything about you. He might even be slightly annoyed if there are major changes in your life that he doesn’t know about.
But a man stringing you along doesn’t care if you plan to move careers. He’s not there for the long-term anyway, just until he gets what he wants or done with you.
So, if a man is not actively seeking to know you or constantly asking questions to get to know you, girl, something is wrong. Very likely, the guy is just stringing you along.
4. He Doesn’t Involve You In His Life
In the same vein, he doesn’t involve you in his life.
Why should he when you’re just temporary? Only guys who consider you a permanent fixture will involve you in their lives.
If he wanted you for the long haul, he’d tell you practically everything: the big and small decisions. He’d ask for your opinion on matters and be more inclined to use partnership words like ‘we’ and ‘us’.
But a guy stringing you along will be more of ‘I’ and ‘me’ because he doesn’t consider you a part of his life.
5. He Flirts With Others In Your Presence
A man who loves you will be faithful in your absence and presence.
But you see, a man who sort of has a little feeling for you might cheat on you, but it’d never be in your presence – I don’t believe a man who loves you will cheat on you. However, a man in this category will still be ashamed of hurting you.
But if he’s flirting with other women to your face, I don’t think it takes a detective to know he doesn’t even care that you know you’re not the only one.
It shows he doesn’t care about you and doesn’t respect you.
However, he’d do or say barely enough to make you question yourself because he wants to keep you around. People like this are usually expert gaslighters.
“Maybe I am overthinking it. He’s probably just friendly,” you’d say to yourself.
“There’s nothing wrong with complimenting other women; just because he’s with me doesn’t mean he’s blind.”
You’ll have different excuses because he’d guilt you for believing there’s anything wrong with being flirty by giving you something he can hold on to. Just a little romance to make it difficult to doubt that he doesn’t care about you.
6. He Avoids Meeting Your Loved Ones And Introducing You To His
Let me start by saying this depends, especially as it entails introducing you to his family.
Some cultures are more conservative, and girlfriends/boyfriends are not introduced to the family, only fiancees.
If he comes from such a culture, he may take his time to bring you around the family.
However, this doesn’t apply to friends. When people love someone, they introduce them to their friends and vice versa.
But if he doesn’t want to meet yours and doesn’t want to introduce you to his, the guy is stringing you along.
It means he doesn’t want to be in your life, so he doesn’t see the need to extend your relationship beyond your little corner.
He’d be pushing you for a supposedly private relationship even though it’s actually a secretive one; learn the differences between a private and secret relationship.
7. He Doesn’t Introduce You As His Girlfriend Or Partner
When a man wants you, he will introduce you as his girlfriend, woman, or partner everywhere. He’d be so proud to let the world know what you mean to him.
But if he’s avoiding using the word, then it’s because you are not.
Of course, this could mean he’s taking it slow, doesn’t know where he stands in the relationship or is still unsure whether he wants to make it official.
Whatever the case, it’s because you’re not his girlfriend. If you want to, speak to him about it.
But watch out for how he responds even more than what he says because if he were stringing you along, he’d lie to you, and you cannot afford to trust the words of a liar.
8. He Has a Wife Or Girlfriend
This goes without saying, and I contemplated not adding this point, but I feel some of our womenfolk don’t know these things.
If a man has a wife or girlfriend, please stay clear. He’s cheating, and even if he ends up with you, he’ll do the same to you.
But in most cases, you’ll only end up on a side. He will likely not break up or divorce that woman because he has created a life with her.
You need to do yourself a favour because you are being strung along.
9. He Makes Demands of a Particular Thing
As I mentioned earlier, when someone strings you along, it’s because they want something from you.
It could be your body or money or any other thing. So, if a guy is only about what you offer in the bedroom, best believe that’s all he’s interested in.
In the same vein, if he’s constantly asking for money and doesn’t offer anything else except the usual crumbs to pacify, that’s why you are there.
10. You Don’t Know Your Place In His Life
Another sign a guy is just stringing you along is if you just know he is or at least, suspect he is.
I’m a big believer in listening to your guts.
Chances are, if things are vague and confusing and you are unsure where you stand, it’s because you feel something is wrong in your gut.
If this is you, you should probe it and not ignore that disturbing feeling.
Find out why you feel the way you do, at the very least.
Conclusion
While some of these points are bad, I won’t advise outrightly throwing him away, except he’s cheating with you.
If it’s the other situations, I’d advise having a conversation.
Tell him how you feel and want to be sure of your place in his life.
But like I said, watch out for body language and read between the lines. I’m not asking you to be paranoid or to have a conversation with preconceived notions.
No, I’m asking you to protect yourself; watch for any inconsistencies and probe them.
If the guy is just stringing you along, he’d be a manipulator, and you don’t want to be manipulated into wasting your time.
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