Are you constantly wondering whether you are being gaslighted or just crazy? If so, this post is for you. Below are different signs to show whether you are dating a gaslighter.


7 Signs of Gaslighting

1. They Never Take Responsibility for Their Actions

Gaslighters are great manipulators who never see their wrong, or they do, but they turn the situation around on you.

They lack accountability and never take responsibility for their action. If you are dating a gaslighter, you will find that you are always wrong while they are always right.

They are often very charming and good with words, so they know how to turn things around skillfully. 

Plus, they know how to choose their victims, so it’s often someone they know cannot easily beat them at their game.

Therefore, they have you always blaming yourself even though they are wrong.

2. They Lie Unabashedly

You cannot be a skilful manipulator if you’re not also an unrepentant liar; they go hand in hand. You can only manipulate people when you can successfully lie to them.

Considering that gaslighting is basically manipulation, one sign of gaslighting in a relationship is blatant lies.

If your partner lies without shame – even when they don’t need to – but most importantly to deceive you for their advantage, then such a person is likely a gaslighter.

Of course, a little white lie here and there that is not intended to cause harm is not always a cry for alarm.

But when it’s a habit, it is a huge red flag. It’s just a matter of time before they move to that territory of gaslighting if they haven’t yet.

Run away from liars; you should want to be with more honest people.

Also ReadSigns Your Partner Is Dishonest with You

3. They Victim-Blame

A good way to spot a gaslighter is their stance even when addressing issues removed from the relationship.

Are they more predisposed to blaming the victim in any situation? If they are, you should be concerned because, I hate to break it to you, they will do the same to you.

One mistake many people make in relationships is thinking they are special. Yes, you are special to an extent, but your partner can only give you what they have.

They cannot be kind to you when they are naturally unkind; it’s impossible. They can only pretend to be for some time while trying to impress you when the relationship is still in the early stages. But after some time, who they really are will show up.

Remember that gaslighters never take responsibility for their action. They are simply projecting who they are to the situation. They see themselves in the offender and never see the offender’s wrongs.

So, if your partner has yet to victim-blame you when they do others, wait for it; it will surely come. However, when they are already, you have your answer.

4. They Make You Question Your Reality and Sanity

One question is constant when dating a gaslighter; you’ll often ask yourself, “Am I being gaslighted, or am I crazy?”

This is because gaslighters are great at twisting reality. Like I said earlier, they know how to turn things on you, making you question what you know to be true.

The conversation might start with you addressing something they did, but they will turn it around, and before you know it, you’ll be apologising for being the one at fault.

They do this so often that it becomes your new reality. They tell you you are too sensitive or critical when raising an issue.

Or, they tell you that you are possessive when they are obviously disrespecting you with others.

Even when you have proof to present, they are skilled at denying it so much that you begin to think you’re the one with the issue.

When you’ve dealt with this several times, you begin to have a twisted view of your reality, and when you attempt to question it, it seems like you are losing your mind.

5. They Invalidate Your Feelings

Similar to the point above, gaslighters invalidate your feelings. They give different definitions for your very valid reasons.

Like the above examples, they may dismiss your valid jealousy and tell you it’s possessiveness. They may also manipulate you into thinking you are an angry person when they constantly ruffle your feathers.

They never listen to you and always dismiss whatever issue is not in their favour.

6. They Are Very Critical

One would expect that since they don’t like being criticised, they wouldn’t do the same, but that’d be asking for too much.

Their goal is to beat their partner down so severely that the person is left with no shred of self-esteem. So, they are expert verbal abusers.

But it’s subtle because they do not blatantly use abusive words. They criticise you so much that you begin to believe the worst about yourself.

Sometimes, they may even say it as jokes, so there’s no basis for you to get angry. When you do, you’re being told you are too sensitive.

Other times, it may come in the form of corrections, but ones targeted at destroying your self-worth and making you insecure. They criticise everything, including how you eat, dress, walk, talk, and everything else.  

7. They Isolate You

One clear sign that you are dating a gaslighter is that they alienate you from everyone who loves you.

They work better when you’re isolated because your loved ones might see through them. So, they subtly destroy your relationship with others.

They tell you things about your loved ones – and sometimes, vice versa – that would cause a rift so that your world will revolve around only them. That way, it’s harder to leave them when you want to.


What To Do If You’re Dating a Gaslighter

7 Signs You Are Dating a Gaslighter

If you find out you are dating a gaslighter, you can still regain control and get away from that situation. Here are some things to do if you realise you are being gaslighted.

1. Remember to Love Yourself

Don’t let anyone mess with your head. You need to know and love yourself.

Sure, you are not perfect, but as long as you are a “good” person seeking to improve yourself, don’t let anyone put you down.

Be self-aware, and do not allow anyone to define you. And definitely, don’t let anyone make you believe you are crazy when you are not.

Remember that the gaslighter is not the only person alive. There are billions of people on earth, and the chances of meeting someone who will love you are high. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

2. Trust Your Guts

Our guts never fail us; the only problem is that we hardly listen. Any time you feel an alarm in your head, more often than not, it means something is wrong.

Of course, if you are naturally paranoid or suspicious, you need to work on that before you can trust your gut. 

But if you are not an alarmist and you feel alarmed, investigate why you feel that way; don’t ignore it.

3. Keep Receipts

Gaslighters might argue with you even when you have receipts but keep them anyway. At least, when presenting it to an outsider, you can find reassurance that you are not crazy.

Also, when you return to the receipts, you can be reassured that you know what you’re talking about.

4. Trust Your Loved Ones

Gaslighters will always attempt to isolate you. You can only combat this when you trust your loved ones. Remember that these people have been in your life before you met your partner, so the chances of all of them turning on you are low.

Sure, you may have one or two jealous friends or family members, but hardly will everybody who had loved you before this partner suddenly not care about you any more.

He may be right about one or two people, but he cannot be right about everybody. So, trust your loved ones more and don’t let anyone fill your head with nonsense about the people who love you.

5. Stand Your Ground

You need to learn to stand your ground and not get sucked into a debate. Remember that gaslighters are charmers, so they have a way with words. Therefore, it will be better to avoid exchanging words with them. 

Stand your ground, saying you remember the event differently from them. Let them know you cannot change your mind about what you saw, and leave the conversation.

They’d try to force you into it, but stand your ground. Leave the environment if you have to. But don’t get sucked into a debate; they are skilful and might end up convincing you if you continue the conversation.

6. Cut Them Off

Humans are inherently selfish, so occasionally, we may attempt gaslighting another to avoid taking responsibility for an action.

This is not necessarily an issue, but if someone does this often, you are dating a gaslighter and should leave the situation.

You can hardly do anything to help a gaslighter except they see the issue and work on themselves. If not, save yourself the trouble, leave and block them everywhere.

7. Seek Therapy

If you find that the experience has scarred you in some way, you should seek therapy. Therapy will help you put things in perspective, find the strength to leave that situation, and heal from the experience.