FAMILY SUPPORT

Something is bothering me that I really need to talk about.

I don’t know if it is just me but I am not satisfied with the way we just move with the status quo and even give pieces of advice around it.

Now, let me state before I continue that I do not in any way intend to insult the sensibilities of the people who subscribe to all these, I just sincerely believe that we can do better.

I hear many times that people say that men should not tell their family or let them know how much they love their wives. Men are also advised not to let their family know that they make decisions with their wives.

I don’t know why it makes me cringe when I hear things like this.

Not because I do not know it is good advice or understand why it is necessary, I am just wondering why it has to be like this.

And just in case someone wants to get it twisted, I am not saying this as a future wife or something but as a sister who has a brother she loves so much and a future mother to a son (if God decides I will have a son).

I don’t understand why we are encouraging families not understanding that two has become one and once their son or brother gets married, they become the outsider and the wife and children, his priority.

We might not like it, but that is how it is meant to be.

I tell people and those who know me know I am close to my brother, very close.

But see, I know without any atom of doubt that I am going to love my brother’s wife and I would not need any reason more than the fact that he loves her and he is happy.

God forbid that I would be that mother whose son cannot tell me when he has fallen in love. I will cry in happiness with him because I would understand what it feels like.

I should think it is common sense really and not that difficult.

I am beginning to believe that if you have a problem with your son or brother telling or showing you how much he loves his woman, then you are either sharing boundary with witchcraft or you do not love that son or brother in the first place.

If you actually loved him, you would want him to be happy.

All those acts of craziness you are displaying are not out of love for your brother/son, it is out of selfishness.

I mean if not that the world has gone gaga, who should your son/brother be more comfortable telling how much he love his woman if not you? outsiders? Isn’t blood supposed to be thicker than water?

If they cannot lay their heart bare before family, who should they be vulnerable with?

I mean, what is the point of family if we cannot be ourselves with them?

So now wisdom is hiding how we feel from people who should love us the most so we can live in peace?

Does anybody else see how messed up it is or it is just me?

The wife has become one flesh with him. He should make decisions with her, even decisions that concern you. You cease to be the nuclear family once he gets married, get over it.

It is either you are a Christian or you are not. If you are not, let us know, so we can understand.

Eph 5: 28-29 – “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.”

Basically, the Bible referred to his wife as his body. Does anybody make decision outside of their body?

So why should we expect that the wise thing for a man to do or for him to show he is a man is by making decisions outside of his wife?

I am in no way advocating for a man to be a dummy. I am just saying one of the reasons God said it is not good for man to be alone is because two heads are better than one.

Of course if you are required to make a decision on your feet, you should be trusted to make it without necessarily calling home.

But there is absolutely everything wrong with him making decisions independent of his wife and his family praising him for doing the right thing.

Men biko, listen to the advice and keep your love for your wife from your family, it is indeed wiser.

I just think it is sad nonetheless, very sad, that someone you claim to love cannot trust you with the deepest of their feelings.

We really do not know what love is. I really hope we come to actually understand it.