If we lived in an ideal world, this would not be a question. Couples would not need to determine who to reach out first after a fight or an argument.

But we all know we don’t live in an ideal world. And so, these kinds of questions come up.

Also, it might seem pretty straightforward; the one who is in the wrong should reach out first to apologise.

Again, we don’t live in an ideal world. So these things are not straightforward because sometimes, the one who is in the wrong might not be so clear or both parties could be wrong.

That brings us to this question; who should reach out first after an argument between couples? If this is a question you struggle with in your relationship, I wrote this post for you.

Now, determining who should reach out first after a fight is not clear-cut nor is it the same person for different situations. The person who should reach out first would depend on different factors, which we will be addressing in this post.


Factors that Determine Who Should Reach Out First After a Fight


1. If You Are the One in the Wrong

I know what I said earlier – don’t look at me like that. But we need to start from the most obvious. I did say earlier that sometimes, these things are not clear-cut. However, sometimes, they are.

So, if it is clear and reconciliation is dragging, if you know you are in the wrong, reach out to apologise

Stop waiting for the one who is not in the wrong to apologize.

Can they? Absolutely.

But for the sake of the health of your relationship, you should always apologise if you are wrong instead of always waiting for your partner to keep extending the olive branch even when they are not in the wrong.

If you keep taking them for granted, it is only a matter of time before they get tired.


2. If Your Partner Has Always Been the One Reaching Out First

No matter how much people love us, if we continue to take them for granted, it’s only a matter of time before they get tired.

One thing you must avoid at all costs is making your partner feel like they are the only one making an effort in your relationship.

You have to make efforts as well.

So, for a change, especially if your partner is not reaching out, you should reach out first.

They may have reached the point where they are tired and are waiting for you to make an effort.

And even if they haven’t, you still need to understand that it is not healthy if only one person keeps making an effort after a fight.



3. If You Want to Resolve the Issue

It really is that simple.

Do you want to resolve the issue? Then reach out.

There is no way you will make up if one person doesn’t reach out.

So, if you want it, don’t wait for it. Reach out and make up.

At the end of the day, making peace is more important than being right.


How to determine who to reach out first after a fight



4. If You Want to Be the Bigger Person

The person that reaches out to resolve a conflict might not always be the one in the wrong.

Sometimes, one of you might just have to wear the big girl panties and reach out.

And you can decide it’s you.

It really might just be the best thing to do. Reach out, talk it out, make up and be happy again.



5. If Your Partner Has Apologised

If your partner was in the wrong and has apologised, then you can reach out.

Although this depends on the weight of the offence. Remember, we are not talking about abuse or cheating, we are talking about petty fights and misunderstandings between couples.

So, if your partner has apologised and you still want the relationship, forgive them.

No relationship can work without forgiveness.

You and your partner are going to offend each other one way or the other because you are both imperfect, so you have to be ready to forgive wrongs.



6. Just Do It

Sometimes, we don’t really need to overthink certain things. And one of the greatest things that can destroy a relationship quickly is pride.

If you still love your partner and still want the relationship, then just do it.

Fights happen in every relationship but it doesn’t mean it has to be unending, especially in situations where it is just something silly or a simple misunderstanding.

You don’t have to drag it longer than necessary.

Again, keeping the peace is more important than standing by your right.

So, just do it, reach out to your partner and enjoy your relationship.


Note: It is important to use the communication method that’s best for you and your relationship. For instance, if you are an aggressive texter, you should probably call instead or visit and have a face-to-face conversation. But if you are likely to pick your words and express yourself better when you write, you can text.

Although some might argue that texting during a fight is not the best without tone cannot be communicated through text. I agree and I don’t.

I agree that tone is missing in a text and can be easily misunderstood. however, I disagree because it still depends on both of you.

If you notice you both have issues agreeing when you text during a fight, then minimise texting for conflict resolution. But if you are both good with texting, then you can go ahead. That’s why I said, choose the communication method that’s best for, not just only you but also your relationship.


Also Read: How to Communicate Effectively in a Relationship


So, who should reach out first after a fight? Based on the different factors listed above, I believe you can properly decide who to reach out first after an argument with your partner. However, I will like to hear your thoughts. What do you think? Let me know in the comment section.