How do you tell if you are wasting your time in a relationship?

If you are asking this question, that is already a sign that there is a problem somewhere.

Now, I am not saying that immediately means you need to break up. Things might not be looking great right now, but it doesn’t always mean the relationship is headed for the rocks.

It could also mean that you both need to go back to the drawing board and make certain changes.

Also Read: How to Make Your Relationship More Exciting Again

However, obviously, it could also mean you are actually wasting your time in your relationship or he doesn’t want a relationship with you anymore.

Whatever the case, you deserve to know if your time is being wasted in a relationship. And that’s why I have taken the time to list down these 6 very obvious signs you are wasting your time in a relationship.

And without further ado, let’s get to it.


1. Your Core Values Don’t Align

It is all well and good to feel butterflies in your tummy in your relationship.

In fact, I dare say that’s also very important; physical and emotional attraction is a very vital part of every relationship.

However, if that’s all you have in common, then there is a problem.

Any relationship that will last must have shared core values and/or beliefs.

Feelings and chemistry can only go so far. Relationships need something stronger to stand the test of time; it needs similar values and purpose in life.

Most likely, if this is missing, you won’t be able to hold it together or you are both likely to be miserable in the relationship.

So, if you are in a relationship where you are both completely on the opposite sides of core value systems, then you are most likely wasting your time. The relationship will likely go nowhere.


2. You Don’t Trust Your Partner

Not to sound too philosophical but trust is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship. A relationship is likely not to survive without trust.

Even though trust is earned, it should also come as naturally as love in your relationship because one of the signs of true love is trust. Love and trust should ideally go hand in hand.

However, if for any reason you don’t trust your partner and cannot find yourself trusting them anytime soon, it might be time to let things go.

Now, the lack of trust might be out of your insecurity or because they hurt you before, that doesn’t mean that the trust cannot be rebuilt.

If you find, though, that nothing is working to improve the trust, then you should let the relationship go before it becomes real toxic or you find out too late that you have wasted valuable time.


3. You Find Yourself Making Excuses to Stay

If you are in a healthy relationship, every day will be another opportunity to bask in your blissful relationship. Every day will be another day to be grateful you have found love.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you won’t experience ups and downs in the relationship or the relationship will be completely blissful.

Even healthy relationships go through rough patches. However, through it all, it will not feel toxic.

But if you find yourself struggling to keep the relationship together; if you find yourself constantly trying to convince yourself and others that you should remain in the relationship, if one of the clearest signs you are wasting your time in a relationship.

If you are meant to remain in the relationship, it won’t be a struggle to find reasons to stay. The reasons will be obvious to both yourself and others.


signs you're wasting your time in a relationship


4. You/Your Partner is Not Ready to Commit

You don’t hesitate to commit to someone you truly love and have built and still building a meaningful relationship with.

It should be natural for two partners in a healthy relationship to commit.

So, if there is no commitment from either side and you are not ready to make that decision to commit, there is no point in being in the relationship.


5. There is No Purpose to the Relationship

I know you are likely in that relationship because you love your partner; that’s all well and good. But that’s not all there is to a relationship.

Your relationship should have a purpose.

Are we doing this to get married or just doing this to be partners who will not get married but be together? Is it a fling or a forever-till-death-do-us-part thing? You need to know.

Also, just as it is important to have individual goals – that you support each other on – you need to have relationship/partnership goals as well. And they need to align.

However, if you are in a relationship with no definite goal, where you don’t know where you stand, what to expect from your partner and vice-versa, you don’t have concrete plans and how to go about achieving them, there is a problem.

You shouldn’t just be going with the tide; there should be a clear-cut purpose. Otherwise, it is one of the big signs you are wasting your time in a relationship.


6. You Know Something Is Quite Not Right

You can’t really place your finger on it but no matter how much you try to be happy and relaxed in your relationship, you have this persistent feeling or premonition that something is wrong somewhere.

Now, it may not mean you should end the relationship, it could be as a result of fear or insecurity on your part.

However, it does mean something is wrong that needs to be corrected, so you shouldn’t ignore it.
Investigate why you feel the way you do, be honest with yourself and address it.

If it is something repairable, sure. If not, then, you might need to bid the relationship goodbye.



In conclusion, nobody should be in a relationship with clear signs of a failing relationship. Everybody should be in a healthy situation where they are loving and being loved.

Also Read: Signs You Are in a Healthy Relationship

So, if you see any of these signs you are wasting your time in a relationship, the way I see it, you are left with two choices.

You can either make an outright decision to leave or sit your partner down for a discussion to see where they are at. If, after the discussion, it is clear they are not on the same page with you, then do yourself a favour and leave.