Are you feeling like your relationship is losing spark? Be assured that you are not alone. Many times, when you’ve been dating for a while, you start to notice that you may have lost the passion that you had when you first met.

Sometimes, it might not be an issue; it could just be a phase, and you’ll soon bounce back. But when it starts deteriorating, it is time to take action because it could be a sign that your relationship is falling apart.

How do you know if your situation is the former or the latter? This post answers that question by highlighting 7 signs that the spark is gone in a relationship.

But before then, let’s consider what it means for a relationship to lose its spark or what we mean when we say the spark is gone in a relationship.


What Does It Mean to Say a Relationship Has Lost Spark?

It simply means the relationship has lost passion, and the couple no longer feel butterflies for each other as they initially did. It could also mean the commitment to one another is waning.

Like I said earlier, many relationships experience this, so it’s not the worst thing to happen to a relationship. It does not also mean it’s time to break up.

Also Read: Reasons to Break Up with Someone You Love

But it’s vital to nip it in the bud as it could cause more fatal problems to your relationship if left unchecked. That’s why you need to know the signs your relationship is losing spark so you can fix it.  


7 Critical Signs Your Relationship is Losing Spark

1. Lack of Emotional Connection

For a relationship to keep blossoming, there’s a need for a healthy dose of emotional connection. So, if it’s lacking or beginning to wane, it means something is wrong.

When you speak to couples who have been going strong for years, many will tell you that, although the butterflies were not always there, they never lost that sense of having a best friend.

Your partner should be your best friend, come rain or come shine. If that is not the case, you need to look into things.

2. Lack of Communication

No relationship can survive a lack of communication. So, it’s not normal for a relationship to lack one.

We can look at communication in two ways, specifically, and every relationship should have both. 

The first type of communication is banter and casual chat, whose main intent is to laugh and enjoy each other. It’s a type of communication in which you are not discussing important issues but enjoying each other’s company.

On the other hand, there are serious discussions about your life goals, values, dreams, conflict resolutions, plans, and so forth.

You should have both in a thriving relationship. So, if you have banter and cannot discuss sensitive issues or vice versa, it’s something to look into. 

You shouldn’t just banter and not have vital discussions; you shouldn’t also only have serious conversations. You need both. 

Also Read: How to Communicate Effectively in a Relationship

3. Dwindling Quality Time

When you love someone, you will want to spend time with them because you enjoy their company.

You will visit each other just because and plan dates. If that’s missing or dwindling, it’s one of the signs your relationship is losing spark.


Signs Your Relationship Is Losing Spark


4. Presence of Distrust

In some cases, it could be a lack of trust. You should not be with your partner if you don’t trust them; it’s really that simple.

You cannot afford to be in a relationship where you are insecure and afraid your partner no longer cares about you or is not representing you properly in your absence.

If there is distrust, you must address why you feel that way.

5. No Exchange of “I Love You”

This might not apply to everybody. Some people are from conservative cultures where they are not often expressive about their feelings.

In those cultures, showing action is more important. If this is your situation, you can ignore this point and focus on how you treat each other.

However, if you cannot relate to the aforementioned and you used to exchange “I love you” but somehow stopped, something is wrong.

Could you both have gotten comfortable and didn’t see the need again? Or is it a case of a spark being lost? Either way, you need to address the situation.

6. Lack of Forbearance

Although I don’t believe love is blind in the sense of not seeing faults, I think it’s blind in the sense of forbearing your partner.

Please note that when talking about faults here, I’m not talking about huge red flags or any kind of abusive relationship.

I’m talking about usual flaws because we are all imperfect. When you love someone, you can look past that and focus on their good.

But when you begin to lack forbearance for flaws and frequently fight over differences on both sides, it is one of the clear signs your relationship is losing spark.

Also Read: Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Relationship

7. Something Feels Off

Sometimes, you may not be able to pinpoint exactly what is wrong, but you just know something is. That’s your gut feeling warning you, and you should listen to it.

Like I often say, it’s better to investigate why you feel off and find nothing to worry about than let it fester and deteriorate to a point where there’s no remedy.


How to Rekindle the Sparks in Your Relationship

A young African American couple quarrelling with the husband pleading with the wife

What do you do if you have read the above and determined that your relationship has indeed lost spark? What do you do when you feel like the spark is gone? Should you stay in a relationship with no spark?

The answer to the last question is yes; you don’t have to end a relationship because the spark is gone. The relationship is worth saving if you love each other and nobody is abusive or displaying substantial red flags.

Therefore, the answer to the first two is that there is a lot to do; your relationship is fixable.

So, if you’re asking how to fix the spark in a relationship, this is for you.

1. Acknowledge the Issue

The worst thing that can happen when you notice something is wrong is to ignore it. Needless to say, this will not drive the issue away.

The only exception to this rule is if it’s beyond your control. However, a problem in the relationship you are involved in should not be ignored.

Once you accept that there is an issue to be solved, you can begin to think about how to solve it.

2. Investigate the Reason

The next thing to do when you notice the spark is lost is to investigate. Ask yourself pertinent questions: Why is the spark lost? Where did we get it wrong? When did things start to take a turn for the bad?

By asking and answering these questions, you are more likely to identify the problem. Maybe the issue started with one person forgetting to say, “I love you too,” and the other determining not to say it again.

Or it was that you missed one date night, then two and then multiples.

Be honest with yourself when answering these questions so you can find a workable solution.

3. Communicate

Now that you know the issue, speak to your spouse about it.

I’d recommend not going to them with accusing fingers. Even if you feel the issue started from them, remember it takes two to tango. It probably wouldn’t have deteriorated if you had communicated earlier enough.

So, don’t accuse your partner. Like it or not, you are both at fault.

Tell them instead that you noticed you are not as close as you used to be and want to go back to the time when you were passionate about each other.

Your partner is likely not to get defensive then. That way, you can calmly talk about where you both got it wrong and how you can begin to correct the situation.

4. Take Action

Based on your discussion, you should have a clear action plan. These plans should be practical in most—if not all—cases.

For instance, you can decide henceforth to always say, “I love you” after every call, not go to bed without resolving an issue, or communicate a problem instead of sweeping it under the rug.

The action plan will depend on what you figured was the problem. After making a plan, you must both commit to see it through to get your relationship back where you had spark.


These signs your relationship is losing spark do not often mean it has to end; they just mean it’s time to do something.

By taking action, it’s only a matter of time before you rekindle the lost spark.