We all don’t want to be someone’s second choice; we want to know that our partner or potential partner considers us their first option and priority.

Unfortunately, the dating world is not as simple as that; people stay in other people lives for different reasons and sometimes, it is because they cannot get the one they really want or they are waiting for the one they really want to consider them.

In the meantime, they “waste time” with someone else, not minding that person’s feelings.

It is, therefore, left to us to make sure we are nobody’s second fiddle. But how do you know you are someone’s second choice? This article seeks to address that.


How to Know You Are Someone’s Second Choice

  1. You Are the Only One Making Efforts

A relationship is a two-way street, that is why it is called relationship. While the efforts two people put in a relationship might not be equal, the gap shouldn’t be so wide either.

If you are the only one initiating everything, then you are likely not their first choice.

Someone who wants to be with you will go out of their way to make plans to see you, talk to you and be around you.

But if they don’t do that, then it is time to tell yourself the truth.




  1. They Only Want You for One Thing

At the risk of being stereotypical, usually for men, it is your body and for women, it is your money.

This set of people don’t want any emotional connection.

They are not interested in knowing you or having any deep conversations with you, they just want what you have to offer them.


  1. Their Friends Don’t Know About You

When someone loves or likes you, while their family might not yet know you because many people usually don’t introduce family until it is very serious, their friends will know.

They won’t be able to keep it from certain friends. So, if their friends don’t know you exist, especially if a little time has passed, then you are likely a secret that doesn’t matter in the scheme of things.




  1. They Don’t Put Label On the Relationship

When somebody considers you a second choice, you will find that they will be reluctant to label the relationship.

They will say and do everything but commit to the relationship. If you insist, they will use a lot of words but the actual label to qualify your relationship.

You should know that that’s a wrong relationship to be if you are in this situation, especially if you do care about the label.

Don’t let them make you look weird for wanting a label on the relationship.




  1. They Constantly Cancel Plans

It takes somebody who cares about you to care about your feelings. But since they don’t care about you, they don’t care what you think about them cancelling on you at the last minute.

Cancelling plans can happen in a relationship once in a while for genuine reasons but you should rethink a relationship where it happens constantly and especially, without notice or at the last minute.


How to Know You Are Someone’s Second Choice



  1. They Make Impromptu Plans with You

On the other hand, they only remember to make plans with you when they feel like it.

They don’t go out of their way to initiate a date with you, they only reach out to you at their convenience when they need you and it has to be at the time they reach out.

It is usually never in advance.


  1. They Take Forever to Text Back

Some people are not good at texting, they prefer calls and some people are actually busy and so, cannot text as frequently as others.

But you see, anybody that has time to come online has time to reply to a message.

There is something wrong if they come online and never reply to your text. If they considered you a priority, that wouldn’t happen.


  1. They Don’t Remember Important Details

Someone who considers you a priority will want to know you and because they want to know you, they will pay attention to things you tell them.

If they like you, they will remember important details about your life, like how many siblings you have, your favourite food or colour, especially if you have mentioned it to them.




  1. You Know

You just know you are not a priority. You might not have concrete proof that you can pin on them but you know it in your guts.

If that happens, then, you are most likely right.

While you might not immediately take drastic actions based on gut feelings, don’t ignore it. Investigate.



In conclusion, I am sure you don’t want to be someone’s second option and that is why you are here. But don’t make hasty decisions if you see one or two signs listed here in your relationship. While I understand how you feel, it is important to have an honest conversation with the person before you make your decision. Also, remember that this list is, by no means, exhaustive.