I was born a “good” girl. And I remained one save for the lies and occasional stealing from mummy’s pot or purse as the event called for it.
Sometimes I still wonder why I bothered with some of the lies I used to tell then. Most of them were largely unnecessary. For instance I remember how I used to tell classmates my neighbours were my siblings. I mean who does that? Why would I feel the need to claim we were more than six in my family? Or when I go to the bathroom at night to ruffle the water and come out pretending to have bathed, why on earth didn’t I just bathe since I had already found my way to the bathroom?
But I was a child, in primary school, and in my mind, smart.
And some lies were really to save face, like when I and some friends (don’t remember who exactly now) stole a neighbour’s chicken’s eggs and fried it. I denied it and blamed it on someone else (can’t remember who as well).
But the point is apart from the occasional discrepancies, I was a good girl. Or so I thought.
Then we changed church and I got involved in Sunday school and children choir. Somehow that reproduced me and I became a better good girl. I had also grown so I guess age made me become more responsible. The lies reduced and I became conscious of my actions because I didn’t want to go to hell.
I got into FGGC Zaria as a good girl. So as expected I was frequent in fellowship. And just as frequently gave my life to Christ. The only issue was by Monday, my life was usually still with Him and you would likely notice it in my disposition because I became extra quiet – which was totally in contrast with my normal self.
On Tuesday, I and Christ would have started sharing the life fifty-fifty.
By Wednesday, He would have 10% and I would keep my 90% with me.
And by Thursday, it became totally mine. Well to be fair, it is my life after all.
A few Sundays later, I would realize I want Him to have it and give it to Him, only to grab it back.
This continued for more than three years.
And although I was still going to church and very active in the fellowship, I knew something was missing. I was empty and I was miserable. It was as if my hand was reaching out to something that kept eluding me.
But in SS1, something happened at a Bible studies meeting. He personally drew me to Himself. I guess He could see I had struggled enough. I had tried to do it my way and I couldn’t. I had tried to stay stable but I couldn’t. I had come to the realization that I needed him. And this time, all I did was cry, “Lord, help me.”
He took my hand, drew me to His embrace and kissed my forehead. “You are forgiven,” He whispered to me and I felt free.
I cannot explain the joy I felt after that. No words can explain it; it would be pointless to try. But it was marvelous. I felt whole, complete, felt my whole universe snap back into place. I finally got that piece that was eluding me to make me whole.
And to be honest, I lost it again, in my carelessness and selfishness. I wanted what the world had. I wanted to experience the world and boy, did I experience it.
But I was more miserable than I ever was in my entire life, much more than I was at first. Now, in hindsight, I know the reason for it is because I had experienced God and left Him so I knew what I was missing. At first, I didn’t have an idea what I was missing. I just knew there was something more. Now, I knew and I missed the great love, the fellowship, I missed the bond. I missed talking to Him and feeling Him listening. I missed asking Him questions and getting answers. I missed the joy and laughter. It was a difficult period to say the least.
There is really nothing more fulfilling and joyful than fellowshipping with your creator. It is the best feeling in the world. Nothing in the world can replace it, trust me. It is liberating.
Whosoever the Son has set free is free indeed. And the greatest thing is that HE is not asking for much. If you want to enjoy same freedom, all you have to do is accept His GREAT LOVE because it is already there. He loves you
I could go on and on and try to convince you. But salvation really is of the Lord, ours is to witness it. I can only tell you my great love story, which I have done. One thing is sure. Jesus loves us, there is nothing we can do to change it.